The day I understood coaching

After my strategic reflection retreat—the one that revealed, without a doubt, my new calling as a coach—I first felt disgust. Then shame. I was ashamed of feeling disgust toward a decision I had made, or rather, one that had imposed itself on me.

I couldn’t believe I was about to join a community of “life coaches” made up of transformation evangelists and advocates of unlocking one’s “inner power.” My perception of coaching was, to say the least, heavily tinted by negative assumptions.

A Deep Misunderstanding Shaped by Popular Culture

To be honest, I had no real understanding of what this profession actually involved. I had only been exposed to caricatures through social media, films, and TV series, and I felt there were only two camps: the “enlightened souls” and the motivational speakers.

In my mind, the first group had discovered the true essence of life after a long inner journey that had taken them through ashrams in India and silent retreats in Tibet, and they now gently shared this wisdom with their slightly granola clientele through meditation, breathing exercises, and all kinds of abstinence challenges.

The second group, meanwhile, energized crowds of devoted followers gathered in convention centers across the country, repeating their mantra like absolute truth—on stage, microphone in hand, fist raised in the air.

I know. My perception of people in this profession was far from flattering. Highly reductive, even insulting. And completely wrong.

What Coaching Is—and Isn’t

Then, during the very first class of my training, I was stunned to learn that coaches do not give advice. They do not direct. And they do not offer solutions either. I was, to say the least, perplexed. What exactly was a coach for, then?

From those first explanations, I understood. A coach’s role is to help someone step outside their usual way of thinking, their natural reflexes, and their automatic patterns to invite them to question their beliefs, reassess what they perceive as obstacles, and find their own solutions by reflecting back the inner resources they already possess.

The Coach: An Equal Partner

In other words, a coach is a thinking partner who helps us think and act differently. A partner. Not an expert, not even a mentor. A coach works with their client in a relationship of equality. They operate from one essential principle: the client is not “broken.” They do not need to be “fixed.” They already possess all the resources they need.

From this perspective, the coach does not know more or better than the client. They simply accompany them by asking questions about their goals, helping clarify their meaning and relevance, and inviting them to define the path toward achieving them.

A coach helps their client see more clearly and further ahead, but they do not impose their own vision. They simply participate in creating the plan or the vision alongside the client.

The Power of Co-Creation in Building Solutions

To me, this co-creation aspect is the very heart of coaching. It is the foundation from which change – and even transformation—becomes possible.

Think about it for a moment: how many times in your life have you asked for advice from people in your personal or professional circle before making a decision? And how many times did you end up not following that advice?

Although this reflex may seem contradictory, it carries a double truth. First, we tend to seek advice from others for reassurance and validation. Doubt and uncertainty are among the greatest obstacles to action, so we try to replace doubt with certainty in order to keep moving forward.

However, when the advice we receive conflicts with the option we already favor, consciously or unconsciously, we tend to reject it. And we find all kinds of “good” reasons for doing so:

• This person doesn’t really know or understand my situation.
• This person has never experienced anything like what I’m going through.
• This person has experienced something similar, but they are not ME.

This is free will speaking. And free will refuses to be pulled in a direction that does not naturally resonate. That is why the solution must come from the client. I say “client” here because we are talking about coaching, but the same principle applies just as much to your partner, your friend, or your child.

When a decision comes from within us, it resonates far more deeply. It feels aligned with our values. In harmony with our principles. In perfect sync with our own rhythm.

So I formally commit to never guiding you. But I will gladly walk alongside you.

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Does the idea of co-creating solutions with an authentic, attentive, and structured thinking partner awaken something in you? Book a free session with me and we’ll start exploring together.